


Green for gay

by Infinatesky



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Alec is very confused, Crying, M/M, Magnus is there to help, Party at Magnus', Poor Alec, Sexuality bracelets, not even sorry, sappy af
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-06
Updated: 2017-08-06
Packaged: 2018-12-11 19:45:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,889
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11721261
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Infinatesky/pseuds/Infinatesky
Summary: "What's that for?" Alec asked, accepting the blue band from Jace."Uh, sexuality bracelets?" Jace said, shrugging."They make it so it's easier for you to get a hookup at the party, because you already know if someone might be interested in you." Izzy cut in, moving closer to Alec. "The blue one means that you're straight."Alec felt his chest tighten as he looked at the circle of colour in his hand. He caught his sister's gaze and was met with a look of concern."Is blue the right colour for you, Alec?" She asked."Of course it's the one he wants." Jace said, clapping his hand on Alec's shoulder."Of course its the one I want." Alec repeated quietly, slipping the bracelet onto his thin wrist. It wasn't a lie, it was the one he wanted, just not the one that was right.-Or the one in which Magnus has a party where the guests wear bracelets that represent their sexuality, and Alec's 'straight' bracelet is making him very upset.





	Green for gay

**Author's Note:**

> I know that there are more then gay, bi and straight, but I didn't want to have too many baskets to worry about. :) hope you enjoy!

Alec had never wanted so badly to leave a situation. He, Jace and Isabelle, as well as, unfortunately, Clary and Simon, were all crowded in the entryway to Magnus' apartment. Party music boomed through the walls, and the air was hot from the heat of so many bodies moving around. 

He tried to see through the door into the rest of the apartment, but couldn't make out anything except for flashes of movement. Focusing his gaze on his friends standing in front of him, he tried to see what was holding them up. He saw four baskets sitting on a thin table, each had different colours of bands inside of them. He wached as Clary, Izzy, and Simon all reached into the same bin. Jace, too, reached into the same basket, but he withdrew two of it's contents. He turned to pass one to Alec. Alec saw, then, that the objects his friends had pulled from the baskets were thin, plastic bracelets. Clary, Izzy and Simon had already put theirs on their wrists. 

"What's that for?" Alec asked, accepting the blue band from Jace. 

"Uh, sexuality bracelets?" Jace said, shrugging.

"They make it so it's easier for you to get a hookup at the party, because you already know if someone might be interested in you." Izzy cut in, moving closer to Alec. "The blue one means that you're straight." 

Alec felt his chest tighten as he looked at the circle of colour in his hand. He caught his sister's gaze and was met with a look of concern. 

"Is blue the right colour for you, Alec?" She asked.

"Of course it's the one he wants." Jace said, clapping his hand on Alec's shoulder. 

"Of course its the one I want." Alec repeated quietly, slipping the bracelet onto his thin wrist. It wasn't a lie, it was the one he wanted, just not the one that was right. 

They had come to the party on mission, but 10 minutes in and Alec felt like he was the only one who remembered that. Clary and Simon were dancing together in the middle of the room, along with others who looked as if they had had a few too many drinks. Izzy was chatting up a dark haired vampire, and enjoying the glances from many other men, and Jace was in the middle of a loud conversation over his second pint of beer. 

Alec, not overjoyed to be at the party in the first place, was counting down the minutes until he could leave, could rip the blue band off of his wrist. It wasn't doing anything but reminding him how much of an outsider he really was. He wished that he could have easily picked up the blue bracelet and slid it onto his wrist without a second thought, just like everyone else. He wished he hadn't been born different, he already found it hard to fit in, and he sometimes felt like God or whoever had just been trying to fuck him over completely by making him gay. Because that's what he was, at least he could admit that to himself now. It had taken him long enough to accomplish just that. 

Alec was staring at his drink, which rested on a table in front of him. He was sitting on a small couch tucked away in the corner of the room, as far away from everyone else as possible. When he saw a hand place down another glass beside his, he couldn't help but stare, because this wrist was the first on he had seen which was not adorned by a blue band. Instead, it was ringed by bright purple. Alec couldn't help but stare, he wasn't sure what purple ment, but for a second he felt like he wasn't so alone. 

"Never met anyone bi before?" Said a voice coldly. 

Alec snapped his gaze up to the owner of the wrist and saw none other than Magnus Bane, the magnificent host of the party. 

"I- no I just- you're the first one I've seen who isn't wearing a blue one." Alec shook his wrist to indicate his own band. 

"Well, you haven't been looking very hard then, I'm not the only one here who isn't straight, I know that for a fact." Magnus said this nonchalantly, tilting his hand up to look at his fingernails, which were painted a deep charcoal.  
"Anyways, I don't understand why you would be looking for people who aren't wearing a blue bracelet, shadowhunter, when you yourself are straight." He raised his eyes to catch Alec's, who quickly looked away.  
"Unless, of course, that isn't the truth?" Magnus' mouth turned up into a knowing smirk. 

Alec felt his cheeks glowing red, he felt guilty and angry, but mostly he just felt confused. He clamped his eyes shut and took a deep breath, dragging his hands though his dark hair. "There are things more important than being truthful," He breathed. When he opened his eyes, Magnus was gone. 

Alec wasn't sure what had happened, or where he had gone, but he knew he had already said more then he should have. He took a long sip from his drink, before leaning his head back against the couch and staring up at the high ceiling. He didn't want to think about himself, but he couldn't seem to stop the thoughts from coming. He's gay. He's not right in the head. He's perfectly normal. He's a fag. He deserves love. He deserves to rot in hell. There's something wrong with him. Nobody loves him, not the real him. He is a liar. He is a burden. He is a stain on his family's name. Before he realizes it, hot tears are dripping from his eyes. He doesn't brush them off, instead he lets them run down his face, feels them curve over his cheeks and drip off of his chin, leaving trails of desperation, sadness, hatred. 

He almost doesn't notice when the couch dips as someone sits down beside him. He feels soft fingers wrap around his own, gently pulling him off of the couch. Without opening his eyes, Alec allows himself to be brought into a different room. This room must be off limits to the other guests, because the moment he hears the door close the music all but dissappears, as well as the murmers of voices and clinking of drinks. Alec lets himself be pushed down gently into sitting on what feels like a bed, covered in the softest blanket he had ever touched. 

"Alexander," Magnus said, "Please open your eyes."

He obeyed, slowly blinking them open and allowing himself to look around the room. It was such an acurate representation of the warlock, from the glittering paint to the luxaurious bed spread, that it must have been his bedroom. He saw, sitting on the bed beside him, the same four baskets that had been in the entryway hours before. Upon looking at them closer, Alec noticed that they all had a lable, 'Straight', 'Gay', 'Bi', and 'None of your business'. Alec let out a short laugh when he read the last one.

"I'm not a big fan of labels, so although I let myself be talked into doing the colour coding to make things easier for everyone, I felt inclined to add the last basket." Magnus said with a small smile. "Now, I know that your friend picked your bracelet for you the first time. I know that he was trying to help, but I'd like to give you a chance to pick one for yourself, without the pressure of everyone watching." 

Alec felt his chest tighten again, and he slowly slid the blue band off of his wrist. With one last glance towards Magnus, and one deep breath, he picked up a green bracelet from the basket closest to himself. He didn't put it on, instead he held it in both hands and just looked at it. Gay. That was what the tag on the basket said. That was what the green bracelet symbolized. That was the truth. He couldnt bring himself to put it on, and to his horror, he felt a new set of tears slip from his eyes. 

"I'm broken," He whispered. "And there's nothing that can fix me." He felt shakey and weak. If there was anything worse than his sexuality, it was the fact that he was too weak to ignore it, too weak to embrace it. He was caught in the middle and every time he tried to get close to it he fell apart. 

He felt strong arms wrapping around him. "There's nothing wrong with you." Magnus said strongly, he had sat down beside Alec, and was hugging him tightly, holding all of his pieces together. "There is nothing wrong with you." 

Magnus kept repeating the phrase, and Alec let it sink into him, each time he believed it a little more. Finally, he stopped crying, stopped shaking. He slowly slid the green band onto his wrist. He moved his arm so that it was next to Magnus', so that he could see both of their bracelets. There isn't anything wrong with him. Maybe, one day, he will truly believe that.

When Magnus finally lets go, Alec's eyes are dry and his breaths are even. 

"Thanks you, Magnus." Alec said softly. 

"Alexander, when you can't stop yourself from thinking those horrible thoughts, I want you to say to yourself what I said to you, there's nothing wrong with you. I promise, you're not broken, this doesn't need to be 'fixed'". 

"How did you know what I was thinking?"

"I know because I've been where you are right now."

-

Alec walked quickly out of Magnus' room, eager to locate his friends. He needed to get out of here, needed time alone to think. Magnus had been nothing but helpful and unbelievably kind, but it was all too much for Alec. He needed to process it all in the comforts of his own room. 

He found all four of them talking with a faerie close to the front door. When Izzy saw Alec, she pulled away from the group to update him. 

"We have the mission nearly completed, Jace is just getting the last bit of information right now." She smiled.

Alec returned the grin, feeling overwhelming proud of them. He really didn't give his friends enough credit. They deserved to know him as well as he knew all of them. He couldnt bring himself to tell them, though, so he waited until one of them noticed the green bracelet. 

Simon, surprisingly, was the first to notice. They were all seated in a cab, on the way back to the institute, when Alec saw Simon glance from Alec's wrist, to his own, and then back to Alec's. 

"Hey Alec, I thought you had a blue bracelet? What's the green one for" he said conversationally.

Everyone else's gaze suddenly snapped towards Alec. Their expressions ranged from Izzy's knowing smile to Jace complete confusion.

"Um, well, I'm green, I mean it's gay, I mean..." He tripped over his tongue, blood rising to his cheeks yet again. " ... green for gay."

"Oh Alec!" Izzy reached across the cab to hold his hand. "I love you, I'm so proud of you." 

And, surprisingly, Alec felt ok, which was saying something.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and Kudos greatly appreciated


End file.
